


Schrodinger's Sexuality

by vibesandwonders



Series: We Deserve a Soft Epilogue My Love [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awesome Jody Mills, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Claire Novak's Parents, Destiel - Freeform, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Ficlet, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Phone Calls, Post-Canon, The Winchester Gospels (Supernatural), in this house we ignore the finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29965914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vibesandwonders/pseuds/vibesandwonders
Summary: Dean and Claire have weekly phone conversations, except last week she found the Winchester Gospels. Real questions are asked. now a two-shot for your reading pleasure“And then I uh, I told him, I needed him and he stopped kicking my ass”Dean trails off, how in the hell did they get on this.“You said you guys needed him?”Dean clears his throat too-loud over the phone line “I uh, I said I—  just me, I needed him. It was actually pretty casual, in the heat of the moment kind of thing. Guess you had to be there...”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: We Deserve a Soft Epilogue My Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2199549
Comments: 10
Kudos: 158





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Technically this goes amongst my collection of  
> Post Canon ficlets, (IE my fic Amen OR literally any story where Castiel is saved and happy with Dean) 
> 
> So if you like this one, feel free to read the others, I'm sure there will be more

“And then I uh, I told him, I needed him and he stopped kicking my ass”

Dean trails off, how in the hell did they get on _this._

“You said _you guys_ needed him?”

Dean clears his throat too-loud over the phone line “I uh, I said _I_ — just me, _I_ needed him. It was actually pretty casual, uh in the heat of the moment kind of thing. Guess you had to be there...”

_Right._

“Jackass” Claire snorts down the line. “And you had no idea _you_ were the one that broke his _mind control_ with that little gem? Was this before or after the Thelma and Louise comment?”

He bristles. She can’t see him but she can literally feel it.

_ Victory. _

“Uh, the _what_ comment?”

“Or would that be the Bert and Ernie one?”

_Silence._

“Don’t play dumb chickenshit, sack up and answer the question.”

“Where did you find those _fucking_ books?”

“On The internet _grandpa_." _Charlie._ "They’re everywhere. Tumblr was _obsessed_ a couple years ago. There’s still this like slightly cultish following... apparently fans were like raging pissed about how the series just dropped off with no answer about you and Cas. Cause, if you read the books, Cas was _clearly_ into you, but slightly hazy when it came to how _you_ felt, and oh the _fucking_ paragraphs of discourse..." She exhales dramatically, 

"‘ _Is he a repressed, victim, woobie bi-icon, or a big bag of homophobic dicks?_ ’ You’re pretty much Schrodinger’s sexuality to the fandom, though regardless everyone pretty much agrees you were horny for Castiel from day one— which, not that surprising since he carried the narrative for _years—_ ”

“— Are you... are you speaking in code? Have you been kidnapped?”

“Yeah. It’s called the _I wasn't born pre-internet_ code, get woke asshole. Google shit.” She sighs. “Kaia found them actually...”

She continues undaunted,“So did you exclusively hook up with damsels in distress who had the personality of the color _light tan_ , like _on purpose_ or was that like... your type?"

He groans. “ _Jesus Christ_ , Claire there are graphic sex scenes in those things.”

“Uh huh, _so much_ thrusting and lip licking— side note— Carver Edlund sucked ass at describing _or_ writing women.” She pauses contemplatively and he hopes the conversation has somehow ended, or he’s stroked out, perhaps fate will be kind (a first) and will strike him inexplicably with lightning.

"We were pretty scarred _tbh_ , we asked Jody to black out the pages where they’re talking about your dick, made it kinda poetic really—“

“—fuck. _What_?”

"You _also_ flirted a lot with my not-dad, you know, for being as painfully _hetero_ as you acted, y’all eye-fucked each over an awful lot _and_ , there was a highly suspicious drop off of _‘gasping and groaning_ ’ sections once Cas is introduced.”

He sighs. “I... I— _dammit_ Claire." A horrific thought strikes him. "Did you show that shit to Cas?”

“Mmhmm highlighted the important parts for his perusal. I’m pretty sure he took notes. I spent like 3 hours reading my favorite parts out loud after dinner...” He can hear the smirk, he’s just making unintelligible noises at this point.

“Did he uh...”

“No.” She answers the unspoken question. “He’s still pissed at you. Said ' _if Dean is going to act like a child and go headfirst into a fight with werewolves without checking his back’_ and then something about taking a vampire coven on by himself, he uh _,_ left this morning, sorry, murder-dad. ”

He can only imagine how _that_ conversation went. _Wait._

_“He’d better fuckin’ not.”_

“He…” She pauses and he can hear a voice off to the side. “What did you _do Dean?_ ’

He flinches and pinches his nose.

“Decisions were made.” He admits, “Not… super _great_ decisions.”

“He was _pissed._ ” She repeats, as if he didn't already know.

“Yeah I got that when he stole a bike and headed to _South Dakota by himself_ , They were real fuckin' shitty decisions okay? But honestly it was freak thing…”

"I can't believe you let him."

"He's a big boy," Dean says, grumpy now, "He can make his own damn choices, I guess."

“Uh-huh.” She doesn’t sound convinced. “He said you… _proposed_?” She says the word like one would hold a particularly smelly pair of socks. 

His ears catch sudden fire, and he blinks, glad this one isn’t a fucking video chat, and mutters. “He told you about that?”

“Of course he did.” He thinks he’s imagining the smugness in her voice. He is not.

“Oh.” He clears his throat a few times. “He uh… he uh, had to shoot the colt and saved my ass in the middle of...the werewolves, and it was really hot—“

“Gross.”

“ _You’re welcome_. Anyway I um, I _may have_ inadvertently used the words _‘marry me you sexy sonofabitch’_ during the heat of post-battle…” Now that he’s saying it out loud he’s starting to understand Cas’ very unreadable and highly squinty expression in the moment. That paired with the immediate call for a veteran hunter to deal with another nest had left very little time to… discuss.

"Thought you guys were retired."

"Yeah." He grumbles. "Apparently not when we're pissed at each other and passive aggressively _attacking vampire nests."_

 _"_ You know _,_ Normal couples just yell shit and don't have sex for a couple weeks."

He debates for a hot second trying to explain that concept to Castiel "breaker of beds"and angel of "most recently Thursday, but also blowing Dean’s back out", and knows that neither of them would last a day.  
A couple hours tops 

"Sure, sure, and how does _that_ go over with your extremely powerful _dreamwalker_ girlfriend?" He asks pettily, 

“Point taken,” She adds, (almost) fondly. "He’s an hour outside Huron."

He’s already got keys in hand, it's only about a 5 hour drive, and he can already guess that Cas is using the _Winchester Method™_ for choosing hotels.

“Thanks Claire.”

"Yeah yeah." She clears her throat roughly, “One more thing though,"

"Did you _really_ believe you were 100% straight after the _‘Cas get out of my ass’_ comment?” says a voice that now sounds blindingly like _Donna. “_ What about the ‘ _last person who looked at me like that got laid’_ one?”

He hears Kaia laughing.

“Oh for _fucks_ sake, am I on _speakerphone_?.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't figure out a way for Dean to casually throw in the name Rhonda Hurley to see if that had made it in the books. maybe next time.


	2. of benches and abominations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist, I'm almost tempted to make this its own work, but regardless, my one-shot became two.

“Hey,” he calls, Cas’ eyes tighten microscopically at his approach before turning back to staring at nothing.

_Great._

“Claire told you where I was.” He says by way of greeting, as if the way he’s sitting on the bench isn’t practically a bullhorn sharing how pissed off he (definitely) is.

Dean refuses to let himself be intimidated by the ancient Eldritch being who (often) shares his bed and (recently) his life and sits heavily, Cas sighs and shifts on the bench, not quite away from him, but just enough to let Dean know he isn't pleased.

 _This whole becoming mostly human for love has really made him a dramatic bastard_. Dean notes. My _dramatic bastard._

In what feels like a life long past they sat on adjacent park benches and discussed an uneasy alliance and the tet offensive, it was the first time Dean saw him smile, and _oof_ , the hindsight. Dean figures twelve years and a few intense confessions of destiny-thwarting affection later, they can sit on the same damn bench this time.

_Focus up Winchester._

“Still pissed?” He casually asks the grass in front of them, kicking the neatly trimmed edge, absently, “Or can we go home?”

Cas' blue eyes flit briefly over to Dean. “What you said... earlier. It is my first time doing _this_.”

He says each word carefully, and honestly Dean’s not sure he’s following.

 _Oh_.

“Dude I thought you were married to that Djinn queen—“

“— that was an alliance of necessity.” Cas informs him seriously, there are probably glaciers warmer than his tone. “She was aware of my lack of interest, which was reinforced when I declined the final step to our marriage, _despite_ her best attempts at manipulating my potential physical desire for her—“

“—cause you were in love with me.” Dean finishes, a little warmed by the realization.

“No.”

_So that’s how it’s gonna be._

Cas’ brow furrows, and the honey glow Dean might have felt quickly flees upon being confronted by the archness of an annoyed and moderately human Castiel. “It was because I would not have been able to fulfill my mission if we had been truly wed, I would have been honor bound to stay.”

 _“Ah.”_ Dean replies shortly, catching some of his partner’s annoyance.

“I realize now that you said... what you said after the Werewolf fight, in jest.” Cas admits softly after a long, silent moment passes. “I _may_ have overreacted.”

“You think? Stealing a motorcycle and driving off in a furious blaze of glory seemed pretty on brand, actually.”

Cas scowls.

“I apologize.” And his tone indicates the opposite.

“Sure.”

They sit silently again, elbows bumping occasionally. Dean can hear Sam’s patient voice in his head saying, _give it some space. You don’t always have to fix everything the moment it happens._

It’s great advice honestly, he should really take it some day…

"Are you pissed that I _proposed,_ or because of _how_ I did it?”

“I—“ Cas aborts his own sentence with a click of teeth that makes Dean wince; the Angel’s face crumples into a deeper frown. “I’m sure it is unimportant.”

“So do you just _not_ want to marry me?” Dean guesses in a flash of anger cause of this stupid _goddamn_ petty argument.

“ _Of course_ I do.” Cas snaps right back and— there— he’s finally looking at him and Dean’s trying to remember why they’re fighting cause those stupid fucking blue eyes.

“Then why the hell are you pissed?”

Cas sighs, somehow imbuing it with the general vibe that he’s in love with the most insufferable idiot of all time.

And honestly, he knew what he signed up for _. So like. Tough shit dude._

“We were surrounded by dead monsters and _other_ hunters.” Cas is saying through clenched teeth’ _Damn straight, shock and awe.’_. “ _And_ you only asked because of adrenaline and bloodlust.”

_Wait what?_

“I do some of my best work due to adrenaline and bloodlust.” Dean retorts, with a wry grin, Cas does not respond.

“C’mon _Dude._ ” Dean starts, Cas flinches.

“ _Cas_.” He tries again, bumping the angel’s shoulder with his own and testing the icy waters of lake Castiel by forcibly lacing their fingers together.

“ _Hey_.” He says, leaning forward into Cas’ annoyed eyeline. “You know I love you right?”

The firm set of Cas’ mouth softens instantly. He nods short and tense but still. Dean smiles (apologetically) again, and sighs, straightening and bringing their conjoined hands into his lap.

“Sorry I proposed to you in an abandoned slaughterhouse.” He says seriously, “Surrounded by dead werewolves.” He adds, starting to get it. "And other hunters." 

Cause, _of course_ , _Castiel_. Angel. King of all things dramatic and ceremonious had the cosmic misfortune of being partnered with Dean fucking Winchester who only ever thinks with his gut or his dick and very rarely with both.

He sighs deeply, “ _And_ , after I rushed in to try to cover your six, didn’t cover _mine,_ _and_ almost made you watch me die in a really stupid and incredibly preventable way.”

Cas relaxes. _Got it in one._

“I’m not made of glass.” Cas remarks, “You forget that though I am not completely an angel, I am still very much _more_ than human.”

“Still scares the shit out of me.” Dean admits, voice a little too fierce for his light words. “I’ve seen you die enough alright? I don’t want to go through that ever again. I told you and I meant it: The next time we go, it’s together or not at all.”

Cas looks sharply at him, eyes lingering, understanding import of the macabre promise. If time passes they don’t notice. It could have been a few minutes, or it could be a fleeting and unimportant millennia sitting on that park bench together.

“I’m sorry too.” Castiel says softly. “For leaving the way I did, and making you worry.”

Dean squeezes his hand, and Cas squeezes back.

“It was super fucking hot though." Dean's smile is back, cheerful and unbothered, utterly charming, Castiel somehow doubts that the hosts of heaven (or hell) themselves would be able to retain their purpose if confronted by full exposure to one of Dean Winchester's smiles.

"You took like the whole pack out, One gun, Just standing there in the middle of the room looking all epic and sexy and shit. Smoke trailing up.” Dean whistles. “How the hell else was I supposed to react? I nearly offered to bear your children right there.”

“They would be _abominations_.” Cas muses, his lips pulling up.

“I mean _sure_. But still...” Dean snorts and passes a hand through his hair, only just realizing that he hasn’t actually slept in at least a day. “Seeing you with that gun...”

Cas shrugs in an unexpected moment of shyness. “I told you I _dislike_ wielding guns. Not that I was a bad shot.”

“You said you were better with a blade.”

“I am.”

And god. Dean has to add lethal weapons competency to his kink bingo card.

“Right. Captain of the Garrison.”

Cas makes a soft noise of agreement and leans closer. Dean smiles and turns to press a soft kiss to his Angel’s temple, and then one to the back of his wrist.

“We good?”

Another noise of positive agreement.

“You know, Claire suggested we fight like normal people and just refuse to have sex with one another for a couple days—“

Cas whips toward him, face genuinely horrified at the suggestion.

Dean’s laughing and god, He _loves._

"I told her that wouldn’t work, since I live with an insatiable, and somewhat depraved former angel.”

Cas rolls his eyes, but he smiles, a small just-for-Dean smile, and Dean’s heart catches in his chest.

“Don’t worry,” he says, wondering if _adrenaline and love_ are equally unacceptable as motivators to Cas, “Next time I propose it’ll be romantic as hell.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was purely just fun to write, saw a prompt on Tumblr about Claire walking Cas through the Winchester Gospels and helpfully highlighting all the times Dean was 100000% flirting with Cas.
> 
> Did a few things, found them highly entertaining


End file.
